The Problem with Playboy

The Problem with Playboy...

Written By: Abel S. - "Honest Abe"

2009-10-03

Playboy …..what has happened to you?

I first discovered Playboy when I was a young’un. Mid-1970’s. Not knowing entirely what I was looking at, I did know that it stirred something deep within that could not be explained. At a young age, there are no words for this strange and fuzzy feeling. Whatever it was, it was pretty…intriguing.

As I continued to flip through the pages, something odd happened….I started to read. I didn’t know entirely what I was reading, I couldn’t completely grasp the subjects but I got the sense that this was stuff that was geared to guys. Probably explains why dad had a whole mess of them. The articles were interesting and the interview subjects where quite compelling. Where else can you get find a magazine with gorgeous women and an interview with Jimmy Carter, Muhammad Ali, Alex Haley or Sylvester Stallone? In the Seventies, Playboy was what founder Hugh Hefner had promised. Playboy was cool. I’ll state right now that after a bit of looking, I once again own that first issue of Playboy that captured my attentions: November 1979. It’s not a particularly distinguishing issue for a young boy but it was opening up a whole new world to me. I’m not talking about just boobies……well okay, I’m mainly talking about boobies but the contents of the magazine in general were well written and concise. My favorite part (next to the boobies) was the Playboy Interview. Here was a chance to read an interview with people who I would hear my parents talking about. These were people who were newsworthy and involved with current affairs. People like Ted Turner, George Burns, Stephen King, Ansel Adams and so on. Playboy had class. Note, I said HAD. The fact that I’m using the past tense makes me sad. What was once a proud and distinguished magazine has devolved into People magazine with bare boobies.(emphasis on BARE because People sure loves its cleavage shots). Allow me to explain.

In its heyday, Playboy featured women such as Ursula Andress, Bo Derek, Shannon Tweed and the like. (I’m not mentioning Marilyn Monroe because she’s always mentioned in the same breath as Playboy. Besides, that was two decades before my time.) These women were beautiful and sexy, natural and classy. These were women you saw at your local multi-plex maybe once a year and sometimes they’d be sitting/sparring with Johnny Carson on the Tonight Show. Sometimes Playboy featured women you couldn’t believe would be in Playboy such as Madonna (okay the pictures are meh because she was young and rather hairy…it’s still Madonna in her prime), Vanna White, Cindy Crawford or Sharon Stone. Beautiful women, tasteful nude photos. But somewhere along the way, the Playboy train derailed….horrifically.

"Heeeere's Johnny!"

In my humble opinion, Playboy has become too obsessed with pop culture. What is hip and now and fab and currently the thing that is on everyone’s lips…well, everyone with no brain, that is. I’m calling out Hef right now to explain to me, a longtime loyal subscriber, how it all went so screwy. I will just briefly state that the interview portion of the magazine is not my main focus here but how do you go from conducting interviews with Yasser Arafat, Dan Rather, and Carl Sagan to interviews with Kenney Chesney, Shia Lebeouf and Pete Wentz (all subjects within the last 12 months)? Is it just a lack of compelling subjects to interview? Granted, Playboy has interviewed Richard Branson, Hugh Jackman and Seth MacFarlane within the last year, so not all is lost.

Let’s jump ahead now to the 1990’s. Playboy featured such women as Pamela Anderson, Victoria Silvstedt, Elle MacPherson, Tracy Hampton and Faye Resnick. Wait. Who were those last two names again? Tracy Hampton was a juror during the O.J. Simpson trial. She was featured in the March 1996 issue. Faye Resnick, who was Nicole Brown Simpson’s supposed best friend, appeared in the March 1997 issue. Alright, let me interject here by saying this surely was not the first time that Playboy featured a woman who was locked up in some kind of controversy. (Tai Collins, Oct. 1991 and Jessica Hahn Nov. 1987 & Sept. 1988) But in my opinion, Tracy and Faye represented a turning of the page, if you will, in the history of Playboy magazine. We all can agree that the Simpson trial dominated all formats of news for quite some time. Tabloid journalism was no exception. But now here is the most revered of men’s magazines jumping into the fray. Do we really need to see Juror No. 6 naked? Why can’t she just tell her story on ABC Primetime? What about Faye? Is the only reason she posed nude because the National Enquirer doesn’t do nudity? (***side note: Whoever did the airbrushing on Faye deserves every cent they make for the triple overtime I’m sure they put in. Having seen Ms. Resnick up close and personal on several occasions, all I can say is WOW?!?! and not in a good way whatsoever!) A shift begun with the type of women Playboy now featured. The Simpson trial, in my opinion, was the first reality TV series and Playboy was at the forefront in featuring the women who were featured on it. If Hef could have persuaded Marcia Clark to pose, I’m sure we would have seen it. By the way, if you don’t agree with me about the trial being the very first reality TV show, think about how much water-cooler conversations were dominated by it. Still not convinced? Remember how fucking fascinated the mainstream press was the day Marcia Clark showed up sporting a new hairdo? OMG! (I rest my case.)

Shortly afterwards, further examples of this new type of woman began to appear in the magazine. Julie Brown and Lisa Rinna were featured in consecutive months the following year. Followed by Darva Conger (from TV’s Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire?), Jerri Manthey (from TV’s Survivor) and Jenna Morasca and Heidi Strobel (also from Survivor), this trend continues to this day with characters like Adrianne Curry (appearing twice in two years), Aubrey O’Day (again, kudos on the airbrushing), Lisa Rinna appearing on her second cover and Kim Kardashian. Side note: I defy anyone to look at Kim’s two page layout on page 164-165 and not squint or hurt your eyes. That’s got to be some of the blurriest photos ever published in these once hallowed pages. That’s not art, that’s annoying. Page 157, fuck you, too! Kim presents a perfect example of what’s wrong with Playboy. A woman featured in these pages because she was once the best friend of a girl who’s famous for being famous: Paris Hilton. I’ve wondered for a long time now if Hef has stock in the Hilton hotel chain. Why else would Paris be featured in every other issue in the opening ‘party’ pages? Apparently, Hef asked Paris to pose and she flat out refused. When asked why she refused, she replied, “I’m Paris Hilton.” I’m going to stop right there before I go off on a whole different tangent about what a waste of molecules this ‘person’ is. Here’s my point: Hef couldn’t get her to pose so instead, the September 2006 issue featured a nude layout by Natalie Reid. Who, you may ask? The number one Paris Hilton impersonator in the world! Is this what Playboy has resorted to just to sell a few extra issues? But wait! There’s one more. The current issue right now, features another waste of molecules, Heidi Montag, formerly of MTV’s The Hills. Whatever. Here’s the best part. She’s not even topless!!! What happened, Heidi? MAXIM Magazine not returning your calls? Yes folks, she’s showing as much skin as you can see in your standard Victoria’s Secret catalog. That’s when I finally had enough and have set out to present my case to you, the reader.

By the way, there’s one other thing to consider: the competition. I wonder how much of a pinch Hef is feeling these days from other men’s magazines. For a brief period, Playboy hired away Maxim’s editor in chief and there was a definite revamp of the magazine but that editor has since left to return to Maxim. What I’m getting at is that all the latest hot actresses and celebs (and I mean real celebs, not pseudo crapola wannabe reality/’famous’ twits) appear in Maxim. Whereas Playboy features a collection of ‘who’s that?’ and ‘oh yeah, I kinda remember her’. These women are typically past their prime or at the end of their careers and are hoping for one last brief exposure (pun intended), even if it’s just a blurb on Entertainment Tonight. Playboy used to be the springboard for some women to jumpstart their career. Now it’s the last stop they go before hitting the autograph convention circuit. Carol Alt, Cindy Margolis, Bai Ling, Eva Herzigova to name a few. Go back a bit further and you’ve got Belinda Carlisle, Dedee Pfeiffer and 80’s pop singers Tiffany and Debbie Gibson (who once denounced other pop singers for being overtly sexual instead of letting their music speak for itself).

I think I’ve made my point clear. There are quite a few reasons I let my subscription to Playboy run out recently and why I just renewed Maxim till October of 2013. Granted, it’s not just the chicks. The main thrust of many of the articles in Playboy sound a lot like rehashes or articles from twenty years ago. Maxim seems to speak to today’s male whereas Playboy’s articles and stories are more suited for men over fifty. Playboy magazine is out of touch with today’s generation. Besides, if there was someone featured in the magazine that I really wanted to see nude, I can just wait a few days until the pictures pop up online. Someone’s going to scan and post them. In turn, they’ll save me the cost of the issue and the heartbreak of flipping through yet another issue of a formerly once great magazine.

Hef, seriously, call me. We’ve got to have a talk.

Abel S. a.k.a. "Honest Abe" has written reviews for Dark Horizons, JoBlo and MusicTap. He has worked in the entertainment industry for over a decade. He can usually be found at his keyboard ranting and rambling about the human condition or watching Beavis & Butthead.